Whereas abstinence can be a state you enter in and out of during your life, explains clinical sex therapist Cat O'Dowd. Non-virgins can be abstinent. Abstinence is voluntary celibacy and celibacy can be voluntary or involuntary. Calling out the harms around virginity isn't about shaming people for "waiting" to have sex if that's what they want. Dr Carpenter says: "People go through all sorts of contortions for the sake of 'keeping' or 'losing' it, rather than focusing on how they'd like their sexual selves and lives to unfold.
Get our newsletter for the best of ABC Everyday each week. The gender differences are stark: women are taught to see virginity as a "special gift" and men as a "terrible stigma", explains Dr Carpenter. Women are labelled as "spoiled" or "ruined" after the first time they have sex. But hey, at least they don't have to be worried about being killed for losing it. We'll get to that soon. Defining virginity loss as something that occurs after penis-in-vagina penetration "totally erases queer expression", Ms O'Dowd says.
It also creates "anxiety and pressure" for people living with disability, explains Adjunct Professor Matthew Yau, a certified sex therapist. As a "first time" concept, virginity also disregards people whose first sexual experience is abuse or rape.
As sad as that is, it's always possible to redefine and reclaim your body and your sexuality," Ms O'Dowd says. In some cultures if a woman is found not to be virgin when she "should be", she can be killed. Hymen testing is one method of virginity testing still performed in many countries — and one of several the World Health Organisation has campaigned to end. One of the more famous case of this is the police cadet entrance test in Indonesia ," Dr Ayuandini says.
I'm pretty sure that most people who know me know I'm a virgin. I suppose it's a label that's stuck to me for the past few years and it really hasn't bothered me that much.
However, the fact that I've actively chosen to stay a virgin so far is what perplexes and sometimes even bothers some people. Now, at this point, I'm guessing, some guys are cringing at the thought of not having had sex by the age of 18 and yes, I'll admit, it can be pretty tough.
There have been times when I have doubted my decisions, when I wish I did go upstairs with that girl at a party but why have I not?
Well, the simple answer is that I want to have sex with only one woman in my life. One who I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. I have to admit, I'm a bit of an old-school romantic and part of this probably stems from my Christian beliefs, but nevertheless it is a firmly personal choice to save myself for one person and, without Bible bashing, I'd like to explain why.
I believe that sex is an incredibly strong symbol of love between two people. Think of it as a glue. Once you have had sex with someone, you're connected to them emotionally and physically. If you tear that bond the rip leaves open scars where the glue once was.
The Vestals held the highly prestigious role of totems of the Roman Republic, guarded the sacred fire and performed purification rituals. The corruption of this purity through the loss of virginity during their 30 year office was seen as a threat to the security of the Roman Republic and therefore carried the death sentence. In early Christian communities, when the end of the world was believed to be imminent, virginity came to be seen as a liberating choice and a dedication to a higher, immortal life.
Particularly in the Middle Ages, sexually abstinent female monastic communities offered women a socially accepted alternative to marriage and motherhood. From this point of view, sexuality female sexuality in particular has been regarded as a temptation and threat to spiritual salvation. The Protestant Reformation, however, rejected virginity as the highest expression of Christian devotion and instead promoted the ideal of Christian marriage.
Protestant Reformers criticised the extensive veneration of the Virgin Mary for its lack of foundation in the Biblical scriptures. Some feminist critics have argued that the idealisation of the Virgin Mary has been used to control women as it celebrates passive qualities, such as demure obedience, and presents sex in a negative way. It also confronts women with an unattainable ideal: the combination of spotless virginity and perfect motherhood. However, others have highlighted the empowering aspects of this global female icon and regard Mary as the mother of the poor and suffering and her womb as a place which brings new life and hope.
Celibacy or sexual abstinence has been practiced and valued by women and men within many religious traditions. What do you think? Why has such a big deal been made about virginity? Vote in our poll and share your views here.
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